personal ranting, please avoid
Dec. 8th, 2017 12:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
peiyennothing of interest here, move along..
my housemates have been away a lot recently??? so i've had the place to myself (whatever little time I have leftover after work, anyway) and more importantly, NO POLICING OF THE WI-FI. HECK YEAH
on a more sullen note, god I really need to quit facebook. I'm 26 now and everyone in my age group is getting married or having kids and it's driving me nuts. three cousins are due to give birth to their first child anytime now. wtf? there are two kinds of parents-to-be on FB -- normal people, and those who won't STFU about being pregnant. no, i don't give a shit about daily instagram updates of your meals for two, or how you've decorated your two homes for the unborn child, or the fact that you're attending antenatal classes/courses every other week. and honestly, the only thing i'm looking forward to in this situation is the kind of brat you're going to eventually raise.
(and by personal experience, people with a so-called "pregnancy plan" are the kind of labour room patients that midwives tend to bitch about the most. these are the lunatics who don't vaccinate their kids and eat placenta. i s2g)
*deep breath*
i don't know why i'm getting worked up about this, tbh. i've had my life expectations in place for years now -- never getting married, never having kids, either die in unexpected circumstances or eventually whilst surrounded by cats/ferrets (my will is located in my documents folder if anything happens, ok). read books, watch tv, travel. i'm too selfish to be in an ideal relationship, too anxious to take proper care of myself let alone another human being.
i worry about global overpopulation. i get anxious reading the news. hell no if i'm going to raise a kid in this nightmare. if being a doctor has taught me anything, it's that being solely responsible for an innocent human life is the most terrifying thing in the world. giving birth is difficult, and messy, and life threatening (+ performing an episiotomy has pretty much put me off vaginal deliveries forever, amen.) i have all the respect in the world for those mothers who do it with any grace at all.
if anything, doing paediatrics firmly reiterated my job-as-contraception rule. if you're not prepared to raise a child with a disability or a debilitating illness, don't fucking raise one at all. i've seen babies tinier than my two palms put together, struggling to breathe. i've seen toddlers with HIV and tuberculosis. i've seen young victims of physical and sexual abuse. i've seen children dying of cancer. i've seen parents make stupid fucking decisions on behalf of their unknowing flesh and blood, and i've burst into tears while pleading with them to see some goddamn sense. i've had my heart broken on the job more times than i can count, for people that i barely know. i don't think i could deal with being a mother and i'm okay with that.
okay, that was a lot to let out. hey, i'm gonna see a therapist next week! just need to make an appointment..
*
BOOKS
less than a month to the new year, and i'm still a few books away from my Reading Challenge goal. will i make it this year? stay tuned!
TELLY
catching up on Riverdale now. trashy teen drama turned... serial killer crime drama? weird. jughead is still v much my style icon though. which speaks a lot about me.. i think i'm still very into my teenage emo phase. + a few more thoughts: love the new reggie casting and his larger role in the 2nd season (he was one of the main comic book characters so it's about time). also, when did dilton become such a bad boy?? whatever happened to the nerd
VIDEOGAMES
i'm approaching the end of Cuphead now! thaaaank fuck. it's a great game but also a GODDAMN frustration when you get stuck on a particular level. also appreciating the soundtrack A LOT. i think it's really groundbreaking as a videogame OST! big bands, lots of trumpets, and that barber shop quartet! beautiful, but would be more so if i didn't associate it with STRESSFUL GAMING.
one more week til I go home. exciting...
my housemates have been away a lot recently??? so i've had the place to myself (whatever little time I have leftover after work, anyway) and more importantly, NO POLICING OF THE WI-FI. HECK YEAH
on a more sullen note, god I really need to quit facebook. I'm 26 now and everyone in my age group is getting married or having kids and it's driving me nuts. three cousins are due to give birth to their first child anytime now. wtf? there are two kinds of parents-to-be on FB -- normal people, and those who won't STFU about being pregnant. no, i don't give a shit about daily instagram updates of your meals for two, or how you've decorated your two homes for the unborn child, or the fact that you're attending antenatal classes/courses every other week. and honestly, the only thing i'm looking forward to in this situation is the kind of brat you're going to eventually raise.
(and by personal experience, people with a so-called "pregnancy plan" are the kind of labour room patients that midwives tend to bitch about the most. these are the lunatics who don't vaccinate their kids and eat placenta. i s2g)
*deep breath*
i don't know why i'm getting worked up about this, tbh. i've had my life expectations in place for years now -- never getting married, never having kids, either die in unexpected circumstances or eventually whilst surrounded by cats/ferrets (my will is located in my documents folder if anything happens, ok). read books, watch tv, travel. i'm too selfish to be in an ideal relationship, too anxious to take proper care of myself let alone another human being.
i worry about global overpopulation. i get anxious reading the news. hell no if i'm going to raise a kid in this nightmare. if being a doctor has taught me anything, it's that being solely responsible for an innocent human life is the most terrifying thing in the world. giving birth is difficult, and messy, and life threatening (+ performing an episiotomy has pretty much put me off vaginal deliveries forever, amen.) i have all the respect in the world for those mothers who do it with any grace at all.
if anything, doing paediatrics firmly reiterated my job-as-contraception rule. if you're not prepared to raise a child with a disability or a debilitating illness, don't fucking raise one at all. i've seen babies tinier than my two palms put together, struggling to breathe. i've seen toddlers with HIV and tuberculosis. i've seen young victims of physical and sexual abuse. i've seen children dying of cancer. i've seen parents make stupid fucking decisions on behalf of their unknowing flesh and blood, and i've burst into tears while pleading with them to see some goddamn sense. i've had my heart broken on the job more times than i can count, for people that i barely know. i don't think i could deal with being a mother and i'm okay with that.
okay, that was a lot to let out. hey, i'm gonna see a therapist next week! just need to make an appointment..
*
BOOKS
less than a month to the new year, and i'm still a few books away from my Reading Challenge goal. will i make it this year? stay tuned!
TELLY
catching up on Riverdale now. trashy teen drama turned... serial killer crime drama? weird. jughead is still v much my style icon though. which speaks a lot about me.. i think i'm still very into my teenage emo phase. + a few more thoughts: love the new reggie casting and his larger role in the 2nd season (he was one of the main comic book characters so it's about time). also, when did dilton become such a bad boy?? whatever happened to the nerd
VIDEOGAMES
i'm approaching the end of Cuphead now! thaaaank fuck. it's a great game but also a GODDAMN frustration when you get stuck on a particular level. also appreciating the soundtrack A LOT. i think it's really groundbreaking as a videogame OST! big bands, lots of trumpets, and that barber shop quartet! beautiful, but would be more so if i didn't associate it with STRESSFUL GAMING.
one more week til I go home. exciting...
